The class was a 5:30am Boot Camp and I went with the vague notion that it would probably involve a circuit of some kind and it would almost definitely hurt.

Right and right.

10 stations each with two exercises ranging from lunges to presses to hip bridges to burpees. One after another – bam, bam, bam!  The first time around we did each exercise for a total of one minute (two minutes total at each station, 20-something minutes all told). Then we went around again – wheeee!

One thing that I love about circuit training is that it’s truly customizable. You can go as hard as you want, lift as heavy as you can muster, jump as high as you want. You make your own pain so a group full of 35 adults with vastly different fitness capabilities can all get a good, hard workout in. Being in company is motivating and sometimes inspiring and, at the very least, it will shame you into some modicum of performance.

But at the end of the day? You’re still the one behind the barbell. It goes as high as you can lift it.

Those squat thrusts? They’re yours, baby. Own them.

There were a lot of people in boot camp today and more than half of them were busting ass. The others? Going through the motions.

Which reminded me about something that can really suck about working out.

It’s hard.

Or at least it should be.

Showing up to a group class and waving your arms in the air isn’t going to get you there. As the overly-caffeinated instructor said, “You gotta work it, baby.”

I’m not sure why people waste so much time and money on classes and memberships when they won’t do the one simple thing that will make the difference: show up and go hard.

As a small-business owner and blossoming efficiency freak with seriously limited time resources, it drives me up the wall. As a sometimes meat-head gym-rat it makes me frustrated.

As a person who cares about other human beings and wants to see them succeed? It makes me want to help.

So here goes. Here’s the Grit and Glimmer sponsored PSA:

Go do whatever it is you love to do and DO IT WELL. Be present. Go hard. MAKE IT FUCKING COUNT.

No related posts.

[Mash this link to skip my blather and go straight to the article in question.]

I’m back in the gym a lot these days and loving it. I know gyms are full of sweaty people doing shitty workouts that probably won’t work. I know that gyms are full of Meathead Dudes gettin’ all up close and personal with the wall to wall mirrors.  I know that gyms are full of (mostly) airhead trainers who don’t have a clue what they’re actually doing.

I know all that.

Still – I admit to being a Gym Rat – I’m OK with it. I find the sociology of it all fascinating. I love walking in and seeing 50 people on treadmills, running nowhere. It’s so completely messed up it actually makes me smile.

But what really breaks my heart is when I see people working out with the seriously suspect trainers. Usually they’re doing what look to be pretty decent workouts, but I look into the eyes of these trainers and I have to question their experience.

I had a 24 Hour Fitness trainer once and he was pretty good but I wasn’t ready for him. He was like, “Switch to light beer and only have one or two.” and I was like, “Why don’t you just shoot my cat while you’re at it?”

My next trainer was a guy at Golden Gate Fitness (I always train at whatever gym is closest and most convenient to either work or home – I don’t care much about facilities or anything else – convenience is key for me) and we became great friends. We accomplished some really rad things together back in San Francico and he taught me a lot. We’re still in touch – I even workout with him every now and again. (He’s in Portland so if you’re looking for a great, independent Personal Trainer in PDX, let me know).

What I’ve learned is twofold: Training is effective. Training is expensive. On an advertising salary? No problem! These days? Not so much. Luckily, I’ve gotten pretty good at Ye Olde Fitness Thing and I can put together solid programs on my own.

Back to that expensive thing: At $50/session (low end) working out twice a week (again, low-end) you’re spending $400/month. For some people, that’s rent. With a more expensive trainer and greater frequency, you’re into the thousands. That’s a lot of green!!

Yet people routinely end up with mediocre trainers because they don’t know any better. This makes me nuts!

I woke up this morning to see that John Berardi just wrote an article called “Ten Signs You Need a New Trainer“. I think it could also be applied to cycling coaches (except the clipboard bit). Either way, it’s solid advice and contains some good nuggets about Outcome vs. Behavior based training, integrating nutrition, etc.

This is the one I love the best because it seems like common sense and yet I still see people getting fitness training from people who really aren’t that fit:

#4: They Aren’t Healthy or Fit

Just like realtors who’ve never owned a home and financial planners who are broke, out-of-shape trainers and nutritionists piss me off.

Now, let me clarify. You don’t have to look like a fitness model to be fit and healthy. So that’s not the standard here.

However, if a trainer doesn’t have more muscle, less fat, and a better health profile than the average person, why would I listen to any advice on building muscle, losing fat, and getting healthier from them?

It’s a no brainer. If a trainer or nutritionist isn’t healthy and fit — and doesn’t practice the behaviors necessary to remain that way — they can’t be my coach.

You can check out the rest here.

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I went back to the gym.  And not just for some stupid squats and lunges.  I went back and started lifting upper body again.

I have been sucked so far into the cycling vortex that I can no longer see out of it.  I say “pull ups” and the cylcosphere gasps collectively and lunges to take me out at the knees before I can grab the bar.  “Noooooooooooooo! You might develop an arm muscle!”

I used to call Sal T-REX because he would ask me to move heavy things for him: “I don’t want to get any muscles in my arms.” (Sal – you are officially called out.) TVs, boxes, furniture, you name it.  He called me Musclehead and I kissed him on the forehead after pounding my chest triumphantly.

In the morning I ran in darkness along the Esplanade 5 or 6 miles before meeting my trainer.  I was pulling more weight than most of the guys around me.

Lats, chest, arms.
Bam, pow, bing.

It gave me great joy to watch them take weight off when I left a station. I worked up to 10 pullups, then 11.  I hit my pullup PR of 13 one morning after a 6-beer bender.

“What got into you?” Keith asked.

“Carbs, I guess.”

Being a gym rat wasn’t something I was proud of, but it worked at the time.  I was done with 2.5 hours of working out by 6:30 or 7am and I could shower and still be at work before everyone else. It was predictable, rhythmic, and comforting.

And when I stopped I missed it.

Not just the routine of my morning gym arrangement, but the feeling of my arms trembling as I tried to hold up the hair dryer after a good session.  I missed the wobbly feeling of pounding out 60 consecutive pushups.  I missed the “gym zone” where the headphones go in, the death-anger rap goes on, and everyone else disappears.  I missed wife beaters and balance boards and bosu balls.

So I went back.

And it kills.  It crushes.  Or, as Taylor Phinney would tweet, “It slays!”

Upon my return, I nearly wept to find that I could only lift at 25% of my former glory.  No pull-ups.  No benching my bodyweight.  No forcing the boys to take weight off when I step away.

Yet.

Men of Portland, you’ve been warned. Swifty’s bringing the heat.

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The trip was a mix of business and pleasure, and my schedule has been full and hectic.  Nutrition has been challenging, and I definitely haven’t been able to workout the way that I usually do, but I figured out a great way to sneak in an ass-kicking workout with only a 16 minute commitment.

Enter the Tabata.

The tabata is a training method that gets you to your pain cave in a mere 4 minutes.  String four of these 4 minute butt-kickers in a row and you’re a bigger jock than I am if you’re not weeping by the end.

Rather than reinvent the wheel here, I’ll point you in the direction of some great articles that explain the tabata method in greater depth:

• Tabatas over at Testosterone Nation (Be sure to have a good laugh at this site.  It’s a riot!  Despite that, this article is fantastic and includes photographs that show you how to do a thruster, which is one of the best activities that use for the tabata)
• Tabatas from Men’s Fitness
• Ross Training on the Tabata Protocol

Be warned – tabatas are anything but easy.  But for an effective, efficient, and fast workout I’ve yet to run across anything better.  This is a good one to file away in your list of tools to prepare for how to keep your fitness level roaring over the cold winter months that are fast approaching since these can be done in your home with little or no equipment.

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It can be all those things and more – and we’ll do well to keep the big picture in mind.

Sometimes, however, it just comes down to the question that I get asked so many times:

How do I get this fat off my body and keep it off?

And whether you’re trying to lose 30 pounds of fat, or just a few pounds of fat to change your body composition, there are some methods that are going to work better than others. Most people are confused by all the information that is out there. The fitness industry is so effing huge its insane. People want to cash in on your confusion. They want to pull the lever on the cash register and hear the big-assed “ka-ching!” when you’re money goes in their little tray.

But not all of them are ill-intentioned. And here’s something that you can count on: there are no shortcuts.

If someone is promising you a shortcut you should be offended that they think you’re so gullible. Stop with the pills and the gimmicky workout devices and the fad diets already! You know better.

So if you’re ready to suffer, if you’re ready to really work and make significant life changes, then you’re all set. You have to change your mind before you can change your body. You have to cut out the BS and get down to business.

And if you’re ready to do that, here’s one recipe that will start getting you the results you’re after – smart nutrition, interval training, and strength training. I wrote about a version of a very simple ass-kicking workout here and yesterday Craig Ballantyne put up a very good post about how to combine the three elements I mentioned above for extremely accelerated results. In this post he answers a question from a reader about how he would go about getting and actor to lose 30 pounds of fat and build muscle in only 8 weeks.

Guess what?

What he describes may bring results quickly, but it’s by no means a shortcut. In fact, that plan looks really hard.

So here’s the real story on burning fat once and for all: work your ass off. :)

Here’s the other secret: do your research.

There is tons of great advice out there on the internet that can give you inspiration and ideas for how to integrate intervals, strength-training, and dead-on nutrition into your current plan and lifestyle. Sure, some of it can be a little over-the-top, go ahead and skip Craig’s post about his daily workouts if they bore you to tears, but read closely when he starts giving away ideas about how to make fat disappear. Keep your eye on Tom Venuto’s blog and keep poking around for other resources.

And this leads me to another secret to burning fat and changing your body to reach your goals: experiment, change, test, evaluate, and shift gears again.

Every body is different – this is the most important thing that we can remember. What works for others may not work for you – for a variety of reasons, some of which we understand, some of which we don’t (most of which we don’t have the time, energy, or need to figure out).

Because of this, you constantly need to evaluate if your approach is working. If it’s not, change it up – tweak your nutrition program, change your workout routine, try something new.

Above all, keep this in mind – you’re in control.

It’s your body. It’s your will. It’s your life. It’s your trajectory. Decide what you want and then move towards it. Take control of your nutrition, be proactive about researching the quality and source of your foods, invest time in creating workout plans that work for you.

In conclusion, go kill it. This is the first day of the rest of your life.

*

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Well, at least some of you were. When I threw down the gauntlet the week before last, some of you said, “Heidi, there is no way you have 24.5% body fat!”

I admit, I was a little bit skeptical too, but I figured it could very well be possible. What the hell do I know?

Anyway, because of the determination with which I wanted to approach my goal of hitting sub 20% by my thirtieth birthday on August 23rd, I decided to go and have a my body composition tested with a method that had a better margin of error than Ye Olde Calipers. I wanted an accurate starting point for the finishing sprint to the big day.

I made an appointment to be tested with a Bod Pod at a local fitness facility. The Bod Pod works the same way a water dip test does, only it uses air instead. Unlike the lovely fitness model on that web page, I did not wear a yellow swimsuit and blue cap. I chose my favorite color scheme instead: black on black.

The trainer who administered the test warned me that caliper tests often give you a body fat percentage that is lower that your real number. “Great.” I thought, “This stupid thing is going to tell me that I am twenty-seven percent and then I’ll really be pissed.”

“Well,” I sighed, “Let’s just see what it says.” I got in, sat down, and waited as I was hermetically sealed inside and then analyzed.

And what did that weird Mork-and-Mindy pod say?

It said 19.5%.

NINETEEN POINT FIVE PERCENT, punk! You heard me right!

Booyah!

I was so freaking elated that I called Daniel The Boot Camp Guy to tell him my good news. And here is the coolest part about Daniel – he picks up his phone – always. He’s there for you. He cares about your goals. He is sincerely and genuinely excited for your life accomplishments.

Of course, I still felt like a complete tool for calling him but I couldn’t stop myself. I needed a wireless high-five and I needed it right away. I knew that Daniel, more than anyone else, would really understand how much it meant to me.

And I was right.

So consider the gauntlet picked up and ass-whooped. Now, as victory celebrations (protein drinks and chicken breast for everyone!) come to a close, I’m trying to settle on the next prize. I think it’s going to be 17% but I need to do some check-ins to make sure that’s not totally overboard.

Standby for The Gauntlet Redux, coming soon to a blog near you.

*

Bonus Content!

Handy Tip for Tricking Yourself Into Drinking Enough Water:

Drink out of a cool cup.  Does this sound dumb and childish?  Yes.  Does it work?  Yes.
Does it possibly work for me because I am dumb and childish?  Probably.

Here are my top three cool-cup strategies for making water more fun:

Freezer-Chilled Glass Beer Stein:  I keep extremely thick glass beer mugs in my freezer.  Sal uses them for beer, I use them for water.  They work great for both and I love how the chilled glass keeps my water nice and cool.  I can put room temperature water into it and it will cool to a perfect temp – not icy as with an ice-filled glass, but just slightly cooler than room temp.

Wine Glass:  I use a big, crystal Bordeaux glass and fill it with ice.  This makes me feel sneaky, like I’m getting away with something.

Crazy Straw:  Hello!! Crazy straw.  I do not need to explain this.  Nothing is better than water that comes via the triple-loopty-loop super straw!

Go play.  This is the first day of the rest of your life.

*

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All this to say, I’m coming out of the closet with mine. I’m laying it down. I’m putting it out there. I’m going to have to caveat the hell out of it but I’m going to make it public all the same.

I want to get my body fat under 20% by my 30th birthday on August 23rd.

“20%! That’s not very low”, you’re thinking (I can hear you – scary huh?).

Well, actually it is. It doesn’t sound low to me either though, and frankly the idea that my body fat is currently at 24.8% sort of makes me cringe. That said, I love the way I look right now – I’m lean and mean and happy as hell. I’m fit and fighting and lighting the world on fire with a blow-torch of ambition, drive, and tenacity.

I’m in a good place.

Then why this stupid body fat number? Why not a fast mile time or a fast 5k or a fast-ish half-marathon or a big fatty century?

Because this year, this time around, it’s just not about that for me. I have always been fit. I have always been athletic. I have always run and been moderately fast. I have always been active and enjoyed the outdoors.

I have never pushed myself to really create, sculpt, and form the exact type of body that I imagine for myself. I have never done the really, really, really hard work of drilling down and getting straight to the numbers.

And now I’m going to do it. That’s it.

In order to get there I will need to exchange fat for muscle. Burn fat, build muscle (and by building muscle thereby burn more fat). I am going back to 5 days a week for boot camp, I am going to track my food intake again, I am going to come out swinging.

I’m going to kill it, one goddam percentage at a time.

There’s not a lot of room for error here – my birthday is less than three months away. That time is going to be about focus, dedication, and massive, massive suffering.

Daniel and I charted the curve of my progress today and he named the chart, “Why am I Crying?” which I love. Part of cracking this goal is finding ways to push myself to new levels of effort, new echelons of pain, new and fantastic ways to achieve exhilarating exhaustion.

Part of me wants to be ashamed of this goal. The athletic part of me that tells myself that it’s really all about performance and I should not be getting caught up in physical appearance. That part of me is full of horseshit because it knows damn well that if I bring my fitness to this level (as measured by body fat) my performance will sky-rocket.

So there it is. 20% or less by August 23rd. I said it.

*

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For trips like this when I’m away from home for an extended period of time, and moments when I want to do different kinds of training (heavy lifting) I keep a membership to 24 Hour Fitness handy.

I hate 24 Hour Fitness for only one reason. No bosu. What the hell is wrong with these people? What is their bosu beef? I digress. You don’t need a bosu to get a great workout, but it sure is extra fun to have one around.

Anyway, I find that going to the gym is always the most fantastic kind of sociological experience. Between the meat-heads, the barbie-dolls, the cool old guys wearing slacks and black socks, and the 1,000 year old grannies getting changed for aqua-aerobics, I never cease to be impressed, appalled, amazed, amused and befuddled.

Here’s what struck me today in the form of some things to consider the next time you go to the gym (and your intention is actually to work out and change your body / attain your goals. Of course, anything is better than NOTHING. I’m just saying, most of us are short on time, right? Why not do what you can to get the most out of the time that you have dedicated to your workout. :) ).

1. If you pick cardio machines that “seem” easy, they probably are. This is not to say that the eliptical glider doesn’t serve a purpose. For those with joint problems it can be a low-impact way to get the old heart-rate up without having to put on a bathing suit and dip yourself in chlorine. But if you’re sort of mindlessly plodding along thinking, “Great! I’m getting my cardio in.” it’s time to take a good look at what you’re really accomplishing. Be present to your workout. Work HARD. Focus. (Here’s a tip: Want results faster? Do intervals, don’t go long and slow. You’ll save time and accomplish more.) What’s the best cardio machine you can pick for an efficient, ass-kicking workout? The stair-climber. Go suffer. Earn it. And, for godsakes, don’t read while you’re doing it. I’m sorry, if you are reading on a cardio machine you are not getting a good workout. It’s better to focus on challenging intervals for 25 minutes then go slow and comfortable for 60 – trust me.
2. Don’t hold on. If you are on an eliptical machine or a stair-climber or even a treadmill and you are holding on while you work out you are doing yourself a great disservice. Keeping your hands free forces your core to activate for balance, giving you more bang for your workout buck.
3. Don’t be afraid to ask. The last three times that I have been in a gym I have been asked for advice. All three times it was women about my age who were asking for advice on form, or how to target something, or what’s this thing for? I was never brave enough to do this, fearing that the askee would be annoyed at having their workout interrupted. In truth, I’ve been flattered to suddenly be perceived as someone who probably knows what they’re doing and have taken longer than necessary in all three cases to provide extensive, thorough answers. If you’re not sure about your form, or how something works, just ask someone who looks competent, or find a trainer.
4. Have a plan. Take 5 minutes before you go to the gym to plan out what you’re going to do when you get there. Don’t rest for 5 minutes inbetween activities trying to figure out what you’re going to do next. Be prepared, even if it’s just a simple circuit of 4 or 5 different exercises that you do consecutively, rest for a minute, and then do again. If you write it down beforehand you will avoid that “lollygagging” thing that happens when you’re unsure.  And while I’m on the topic of lollygagging let me address the really-long-rest-interval phenomenon.  As far as I know, unless you are doing HUGE, heavy-weight workouts, there’s no reason you should need to rest longer than a minute.  I see guys in the free-weights area resting for 2-3 minutes before sets – in reality all they’re doing is checking out their “pump” in the mirror.  You’re doing yourself a disservice if you rest for longer than a minute – and time starts immediately – walking to the next machine/bench/mat/location is part of “rest”.
5. Be sure to warm up and cool down. Don’t just walk in and start going 100%. I see so many people do this and it drives me nuts. It’s a great way to insure injury. And don’t just get on the treadmill and fast-walk for 5 minutes to warm up. You need to do some active stretching, deep-breathing, marching in place (knees high), hip rotations, etc. Warm up the parts that are going to get the most use (if you’re going to use your shoulders a lot, do arm rotations). I often feel silly warming up in 24 Hour Fitness because it definitely doesn’t look “cool” but my body thanks me when I start in with the heavy lifting and intense supersets.

The main point of all this is don’t waste your time! If you’re going to go work out, then go work out. Don’t go read the paper while going through the motions on an eliptical machine. Don’t go spend half your allotted workout time figuring out what to do next. Be focused, have goals, go after it! Earn it! This is your time to shine so for godsakes, BE SHINY!!

And be sure to count the small victories.

Today was the first day at the gym I actually had a guy come up, interrupt my workout (he actually made me pull my headphones out), and complain to me that I was lifting more than he was. I appreciated this because usually when I am pulling more weight I just get the evil eye, not friendly competitive recognition.

Small victories!!

*

Go be. Go big!

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In truth, I wasn’t 100% well, but there wasn’t a constant pounding in my head and my lymph nodes weren’t the size of golf balls anymore.  I could swallow food without pain!  Someone had removed the sandpaper from my throat!  Coherent, clear, and even somewhat complex thoughts were once again making my brain a home.

I never realize just how much illness takes out of me until I snap back.

I was so overjoyed at the progress of my healing that I ran into boot camp, nearly skipping, while the not-so-overyjoyed faces of women who were sleepy, tired, and sane greeted me.  I was literally vibrating I was so excited to be back at a normal energy level.

“Daniel,” Kirsten said just as we were starting, “I think you need to do some drug-testing on Heidi.”

It was true.  I was in Full Spaz Mode.

We had a great workout and I went home elated and wrote the Five Simple Lessons post.  I worked on personal projects, contract work, and house chores.  I kicked Wednesday’s ass.

So I was a little surprised when the cough crept back into my throat on Wednesday night.  I was more surprised when it didn’t go away.  Not even after 3 doses of codeine cough syrup from the bottle I’d begged off the urgent care nurse earlier in the week.  In fact, I coughed so much that for the first time in our relationship, I went downstairs and slept on the couch because I was keeping Sal awake.

Thursday the glands were back and so was the sandpaper so I stayed home and ditched my workout plans.   I’ve been strongly criticized in the past for working too hard through illness and I’m really trying to get better about it.

Here’s the thing though:  I’m always sick.

Seriously.  I get sick far more often than the average person.  This seems ironic since my lifestyle is arguably healthier than the average person but whatever.  I asked the doctor about it this week and got kind of a lame answer.  She suggested that some people just are more prone to illness.  What a cop out!

I mean, maybe it’s true, but isn’t it worthwhile to at least take a hollistic look at my overall wellness and try to see if we can’t identify some things that may be adversely affecting my immune system?  I guess I can’t blame her – she’s an urgent care doc – get ‘em in, get ‘em out.  But I feel like her answer was pretty indicative of the way that Western medicine is going to frame my “frailty”.

As such, I just bought Paul Check’s book “Eat, Move, and Be Healthy” on the recommendation of Daniel The Boot Camp Dude and another woman in class who has read it.  The primary focus is metabolic typing and eating for your optimal health, but it also presents a holistic approach to health that may help me find ways to boost my immune system and stay healthy more often.

Either way, my throat and lungs were still searing this morning so I opted out of what is arguably one of my favorite parts of camp – the timed mile.  Instead, I hit the local 24 Hour Fitness and cranked out a sweet, little upper-body blowout session.

It’s been a while since I lifted on my own and I was surprised (and elated) to discover that I am almost as strong as I used to be in San Francisco before I left my trainer there.  Even better?  I’m stronger in some areas; namely, my triceps.  Biceps, shoulders, chest and back have all slipped a little bit but the little tris are kicking ass!

Sweet.  Now I just have to figure out how to ditch that creepy girl who trailed me through all my weight circuits and exactly mimicked everything I did.  She freaked me out!

Enough about me, time to talk nutrition!

*

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I was off. Tired. Tapped.

Monday mornings now come at me with a full dose of dread. More than your usual Monday mornings – these are soul-crushing and ass-kicking with the anticipation of another work week. There is something to be said for opening up the window to your full potential but the task of having to stand and look out of it while you make all the necessary preparations to jump is tedious.

I didn’t sleep well last night and woke up early to Sigur Ros, “Saeglopur”. I thought it would lift my spirits but it only made me melancholy. I was more serious and quiet in boot camp than normal. I dug my way down deep into the physical pain of burning shoulders and stayed there. It was comforting and real.

Inside the pain of slow squats and shoulder presses, all of the rest disappears and falls away. I’m not only addicted to the endorphins and the adrenaline, I’m entranced with the escape. I always find myself closing my eyes which used to drive my trainer absolutely insane.

“You are holding 25 pound weights above your head!” he would say, exasperated, “How can you even think of closing your eyes?”

I understood his point but I also knew exactly where they were, I didn’t need to see them.

There is a fine line between being focused and present in a movement or exercise, and slipping over into that trance-like state where the burning begins to to pulse, and the pulse is like a rocking sensation that lulls you and calms you. It’s like that point during a run when everything becomes even and steady and your arms and legs move on their own accord. It’s almost like you can’t feel them anymore, like they’ve gone numb, and you’re body is on its own. The mind detaches and floats. The world shifts around you by 3 degrees, the vantage point is changed, the slant of things is new. Your lungs filling with oxygen is the most beautiful sensation that you can image and you become momentarily aware of every single cell in your body.

It doesn’t happen that often and, frankly, you don’t expect it in a gym – or with a set up eight-pound dumbbells. But you never know.

Part of what I like about yoga is the focus on breath and the clearing of the mind. It’s about intention – intention of breath, intention of movement, intention of presence. This is a conscious effort. Be here and nowhere else, push everything else aside. My goal, whenever I turn to my body to perform and move, is to maintain and find that place of release and calm. Yoga validated this practice, and helped me find words for it, but I’ve been doing it for years now.

It doesn’t have to be limited to the serene, dimly-lit studio space. You don’t need a soft-spoken yoga instructor with a cashmere voice to take you there. You need focus. And perseverance. And breath.

The point of this, for me, is the opportunity to be discerning about what I choose to put back in, once I have cleared as much as I can to the side. All the dread and self-doubt and impatience and frustration that I woke up with this morning is left to lie wherever it fell. Grit and determination are left – and a sense of encompassing reassurance.

I can do this. In fact, I’m going to kick ass.

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