My last column for 2008 will run in tomorrow’s Oregonian, but if you don’t get the paper you can check it out online. In it, I begin my quest for world domination, inspired by a bike-accessory I received for Christmas. (It was the motorcylce noismaker that you mounted on the handlebars… did anyone else have one of those?)

Christmas 1985.

I tear into a shiny metallic package from Santa Claus to reveal a long-coveted toy: a motorcycle noise-maker for my bicycle.

I beg my father to install it immediately and then sit on my hot pink banana seat in the garage revving my new engine with a wild, reckless look in my 7-year-old eyes.

The harder you pull back on the toy throttle, the louder it roars. There on that bike, in the murky dampness of our garage, I realize that I am going to take over the world.

There’s only one problem — these blasted training wheels.

Read the rest online at The Oregonian (Oregon Live)…

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